sometimes i get upset.
not at people, though i definitely do that. but at myself.
i ask–interrogate, really, why i’m not where i want to be. why, in september 2020, i’m not at the stage of personal growth i planned on. there are so many things i could say, and each would be a valid answer. the coronavirus pandemic, the amount of work i have, the fact that six months into living in a new place i still don’t have friends here. those are answers, sure, but they do nothing more than address the symptoms.
the problem, if you even want to call it that, is that growth is not linear. it’s not a hike up a mountain, just a slow progression, and if you stay in one place for too long you don’t go anywhere.
it’s a rollercoaster, taking you up, down, to the side, back around in loops for a while. it’s a constant motion, one that–yeah–will eventually end, and you’ll be exactly where you need to be.
my growth cannot stagnate, like i thought it was. no–i have grown, in a multitude of ways. i approach the world differently than i did in january. i’ve matured, but not in huge leaps and bounds like i expected. and yeah, in other ways i’ve stayed the same, but that’s not a bad thing.
i don’t have to completely change my personality, my beliefs, my core values in order to claim growth. at my core, i’m still me. i’m still garrett. have some of my ideas, tastes, and interests changed? sure, absolutely.
look–if you can get a solid foundation of who you are, what you believe, your person–what makes you individually you…then you’re in a really good place. you have a foundation, and that’s more than a lot of people can say.
that rollercoaster–even if you do “go backwards” with a bout of overwhelming depression, a stressful time, anything–you’re still gonna end up going forward at some point. it just may take longer than you originally thought, and that’s okay.
every day, situation, is an opportunity to learn and grow, a time to learn something about yourself and approach life a little differently.
because it’s a marathon, not a sprint, and that’s what i’ve had to remind myself. i’m still working toward my ultimate personal goal. i’m not where i want to be, but i’m not just accepting my current self as the best version i’ve got. i know i’m capable of so much more. you’re capable of so much more than what you are now. just take it slow, day by day, and don’t push yourself too hard.
rest is important. food is important. go grab yourself a glass of water and get crap done, whether it’s school or just unwinding after a long day.
you got this.