change is scary

change.

i’ve talked about it before here, and if you know me closely you know that i’ve been fascinated by it for a while.

as far back as i can remember i’ve known that i need to keep changing, that change is the catalyst for growth. growth is my ultimate objective, and i don’t mean getting taller.

anyway. i’ve always looked at personal change, meaning myself. i’ve pushed myself to grow, to change, to never stay the same, because if i’m stagnant then i’m moving backwards.

i’ve never focused on interpersonal change, though. i’m always the one changing, and i’ve both lost and gained friends because of it. people haven’t understood why i’m not the same as i was six months ago, a year ago, five years ago.

i’ve never been the person on the other side, watching my friend change. i’ve never understood how it felt to see my friend pull away. not intentionally, of course, but it’s a series of subtle changes. the person on the inside is the same, the foundation of who they are hasn’t shifted in any way, but they’re different.

it’s odd, really.

to realize that your relationship isn’t the same as it used to be, that not only have you become different, but so have they, and it just isn’t possible to be as close as you were.

it hurts.

i couldn’t describe it if i tried.

change is necessary, of course, not only myself but the people around me are going to change, and shift directions, and sometimes their path isn’t one i can share.

change is important, and it needs to happen.

it doesn’t mean i have to like it, though.

3 thoughts on “change is scary

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