It’s 10:21 pm and I don’t know what I’m doing.
That’s a common theme lately, and I don’t know why. (shocking, right)
I feel like I should know more, have more of a direction. I’m 17, after all, I’m literally almost an adult, and adults have it all together.
At least that’s what my brain says.
But I’ve figured out that my brain is a liar. I don’t listen to it anymore, except when it tells me it wants candy. That’s pretty much the only true thing it says anymore.
I operate some days with a huge fog over my head, usually in the figurative sense, though today I woke up and couldn’t even see outside my window. So. There’s that.
Some days I feel stuck in the past, reliving things that will never come back. Honestly, I don’t want them back. So why do I do it? I don’t know, yet again.
Some days I feel so future-focused the present is almost a daydream, when I’m really just daydreaming of things that will never happen in my life.
Why do I do it? Why do I go through the monotony? Why do I push through the depression, the anxiety, the anger, just to do it all over again the next day, the next week, the next month?
Why do I live life?
I don’t know yet. I don’t know my purpose, or my goals, or what I want to be when I grow up. But I’m determined to find out.
(also, the post image is mine. if you like it, check out my instagram @garrettaldred. i post my favorite pics that i took, and there are always more on the way. #shamelessplug)